I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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