If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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