can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
