a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
