R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sober January is a disaster.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize