I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
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