so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
