i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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