I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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