you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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