listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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