It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
