So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
