Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
