Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
