I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize