sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
