just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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