I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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