She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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