We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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