My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Randomize
