When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
