I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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