I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my shit smells like andre
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
