I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Houston, we have a blender
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
