Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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