C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
