They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You made out with two different species that night
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
