I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
