I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
