i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
