john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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