My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
