so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
