just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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