Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
