Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
