idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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