There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
