You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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