Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize