I just pynch a tree in the face
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
