I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
