Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
