I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
