Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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