Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
