Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How does one acquire holy water?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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