life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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