Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
