I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
