then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
