i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
