Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
