she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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