Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
