Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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