if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
