Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
