Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize