the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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