Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
