can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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