i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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