The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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