You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
