he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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