you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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