HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
