I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
