how can u be prego again
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
