OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
