did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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