i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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